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Resolving Conflicts in Relationships---Part Two

» Introduction
Being in a relationship with someone who has a need to be accepted is a “no win” situation.
» Step 1
RESOLVING CONFLICTS IN RELATIONSHIPS
Part Two
By Jim Britt

Being in a relationship with someone who has a need to be accepted is a “no win” situation. They want to please you and you want to please them. This puts you in the cycle of being the pleaser who can never really please. No matter what you do or how hard you try you can never really please them or fulfill their needs. This creates frustration, blame, and judgment, all of which create very unfulfilling relationships. In order for someone to be pleased, they must first be pleasing to, and accept themselves.
There are basically two human emotions, “love” and “fear.” A feeling of fear is the supporting mechanism behind our need for acceptance. Fear is simply taking a past experience, projecting it into the future, with the anticipation of it happening again, and then re-living it in the present. Fear restricts our energy and holds us back. Fear usually comes from not wanting to repeat the same mistake again. Fear can be anything that is not loving. We may experience our fear as loneliness, resentment or being stuck and feeling there is no way out. We may express our fear as sadness when we have to live without something or someone we have lost. Anger is another way we express our fear. When we are in a state of anger, we fear what we may lose, or we fear not being heard.
It is really quite simple. When we let go of the ‘need for acceptance’, we gain the acceptance of others. When we let go we gain true power. We inherit the freedom of the present moment, a freedom to choose and act from a place of certainty and confidence, or love, rather than fear. When we free up the mental, emotional, and physical energy that has been bound up by our needs, our actions surrounding events and our perception of those events take on an effortless almost magical quality—a flow.
Everyone wants to love and be loved. When we truly love and accept ourselves as we let go of need to be accepted, only then are we free to love, be loved and accept others unconditionally. When we change those around us change. When we become more loving toward ourselves, those around us become more loving toward us.
In order to resolve conflicts, make the right choice or be the right choice in a relationship, it is essential to understand these dynamics. When we are stuck in our problems, we are not free to see creative options or to make healthy choices. Resourcefulness is truly a state of ability to see and accept the resources available to us.
In order to experience a joyous relationship, two things are necessary. One, is self-observation. Ask yourself, “what’s it like being in a relationship with a person like me?” And then listen for the truth! To stop on occasion and to take responsibility for what you bring into the relationship. Through this simple process or self-observation and taking responsibility, you will very quickly begin to see what you bring to the relationship and what issues needs to be resolved, as well as how to resolve them. When we are always looking outside ourselves or to our mate for the answers, or to place blame, we are always focused on the perceived problem instead of taking responsibility for our own actions, remaining resourceful, and being open to solutions. By becoming more self-observant, we can see the truth behind our fears and conflicts, let them go and move past them.
The second thing that is necessary in order to have a joyous relationship is building upon our own qualities, by acknowledging our own talents, strengths, successes, values and goals. We should all take time out to acknowledge our strengths and the divine essence that lives within each of us.
When we build more upon our strengths, acknowledge and let go of our fears, only then are we free to live our lives in the present moment, which is where real life and real love exists! By living fully in the present, we develop the freedom to choose and act from a place of clarity, love and confidence.
For more information on Jim’s work go to www.jimbritt.com

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