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The Willing Victim, by Gwendolyn Miles - 5/7/08

» Introduction
A Willing Victim is someone who allows significant others, friends, children, etc to use them as a dormat, they do not know how to say no.
» Step 1
The Willing Victim is someone who allows signicant others, friends, children, etc to use them as a dormat, they do not know ow to say no. This individual says they enjoy being of service to others even if it does damage to their self esteem, health and well being. Even if it kills them they will allow a person to denigrate them to the end. The Willing Victim must die to escape the harassment they constantly recieve.

I personally think that on some level this individual enjoys trauma, drama and a chaotic dysfunctional existence. They want to be loved and liked at all cost. The individual they are trying to capture oves to hurt, hurt, hurt and are selfish, selfish, selfish! However, the Willing Victim makes them this way by not allowing this person to become accountable for their actions and doesn't teach this individual to stand on their two feet.
» Step 2
The Willing Victim enables their prey; they want to make them dependent on them. The Willing Victim doesn't realize that by making this person dependent on them they destroy the possiblility of this person evolving into a compentent individual.

I say prey because the Willing Victim knows who to target and concentrate their energy of dysfunction on. The more dysfunctional a person, the easier it is for the Willing Victim to become their target. The wear WV (Willing Victim) on their forehead as a badge of honor, just kick me and it is okay to leave marks.

The target of the Willing Victim don't know any better because the Willing Victim makes them the center of the universe, they do not see that this person on some level feels bad, but they continually take and give back nothing. Eventually, they don't feel bad at all and do not care how it impacts the Willing Victim in the end.
» Step 3
A good friend of mine recently passed away and I first termed her Willing Victim a few years ago. My friend was the best but allowed her family to eat her alive. The always had their hands out and never allowed her a moment of piece with their selfishness, in this life she really never had a moment to call her own.

My friend use to say it was her burden to bear in life. It did not matter what advice you gave her (at her insistence most of the time) she refused to take it. My friend would say that blood is thicker than water, what are you going to do? My friend is finally at rest!

There was always a sadness I felt for what my friend was going through, but she would not change and tell her family no. I finally came to the realization that some people enjoy their misery and want to be a martyr. I have never aspired to this cause.
» Step 4
Why is tis a way of life for some people? I believe that they do not know any other way of living. I don't mind serving the community and my fellow man. Don't get me wrong, however, there should be a line drawn on sacraficing my will and spirit to be liked and loved.

I have always believed that I have just as much right to be on this planet as anyone else! My feelings count, my ability to say no and/or I do not feel comfortable helping you with this, should be respected.
» Step 5
I know most people do not like confrontation and it is easier just to go along with the program then to part from the norm. But good grief, when will it be okay to part from the norm and just feel free!
» Step 6
I recently had an experience that I had to say no to several organizations. It was the right thing for me to do and would have cost me a great deal down the road if I had not said no. Individuals at this organization tried to pressure me into literaly committing a felony. I refused and walked away with my dignity and freedom. I will not be held hostage to someone else's will. No thanks! I can do badly all by myself and do not need anyone giving me a helping hand.
» Step 7
How do you stop being a Willing Victim? Learn to say no! Do not allow past guilt to work on your need to make things right. Sometimes you can't make it right and you should leave matters alone.

Stop trying to control! I will say this again, stop trying to control.

Remember this, you cannot make someone love or like you. If they don't want to be involved with you, leave them alone! Do not try to force someone to love you. It never works; there are plenty of other people who will want to be around you and love you. Go find them!

I know this is hard, especially when you want that person to care for you. But, by forcing a person to love you when they do not, will only make them run away or use you. Feel grateful when they run from you because if they stay you will suffer from their abuse. If this is what you want then go for it!

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