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How To Cope With Rejection By Looking At It Differently

» Introduction
Rejection. Even the word itself can send a shiver down your spine. It has probably happened to us all at some point in our life in some shape or form. It may be that you have offered the hand of friendship and it was pushed away, which is even more painful if it has been initially accepted.
» Step 1

Perhaps the most common is when a relationship breaks down and you find yourself alone when you did not want to be and maybe not for the first time. Or the relationship never even gets off the ground when you had high hopes that it might and misread the signals.

We go through a number of stages when we've been rejected. Rejection can make us question our self worth. Some people seem to have the ability to just shrug it off, maybe even ignore any harsh words that were said in anger or frustration if the friendship or relationship ended badly, and not give it a second thought. Few of us are like that though, because rejection has a nasty side effect of insidiously bringing up the old monsters.

Our perspective can be distorted as we try to evaluate all the ins and outs of it. We may see things that were never there, old comments said jokingly magnified into personal slights, glances seen as derisory or intimidating now. We are once again childlike, open to every hurt thrown at us and, no longer looking through the grown up’s eyes, seeing ourselves as defenseless against it.

So, fast as we can, we start building those walls of protection up again, cementing the bricks in with the old fears until one day we look around and realize that in our fervor of industry, we forgot to leave space for a door.We’re stuck right where we are, with no way forward, all because someone said “no” or “you’re wrong” to us at one point.

» Step 2

Believe it or not, this could be a good time to review your outlook on this and get on with your life. If you can get past those initial stages of anger and hurt, you can start down a road of healing which has its roots in a little self analysis.

If someone rejects you in some way, it does not mean that you as a person are of no value. It just means that the time has come for them or you to seek out another path in life that is their own to tread. No more, no less. The ending may be done in a clumsy way, and then there is ill feeling, but that is not a reason to hold onto the hurt or rekindle old ones.

The energy expended by holding onto that hurt could be better turned into a more positive time of reflection. Instead you could be looking at what actually happened during your time together and what you learned from the relationship/friendship.

Consider this. It’s possible it was your time to move on yourself and you didn’t wish to see that. It took the push from another to make the choice for you. It could be that you unconsciously gave out that message and they picked up on it. Maybe even there was a better opportunity awaiting you that you would never see if this person was still in your life.

» Step 3

And so you allow yourself to move forward into the realms of self discovery instead of wallowing in self loathing or growing resentment of other person.

You see, there’s lots of possibilities when it comes to rejection and the reasons behind them. I couldn’t say hand on heart there’s one singular reason for it happening. One thing I know for sure though. There’s as many reasons for the coming together of people as there are reasons for their parting of the ways, and there is always a reason for them both. Each has something to share with the other.

In the end, we each can make a choice on how to see it. Rejection can rebuild those walls but reflection, without the veil of hurt distorting the honest truth, can remember to put the door in so we can wander freely.

Look at it differently, take a deep breath and renew yourself.


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